I'm in my Chiron Return season right now .... in fact, Chiron is at 26 degrees now and mine is 28 degrees. It's already been conjunct my Moon-Venus in Aries (whew!). And it's been a convergence of seasons and cycles right now (Uranus square Natal Pluto and more).
But this Chrion Return is right in front of me. And it's a core wound. It's definitely inside out work.
And it's hit me hard .... it's the deep work of doing and being.
“Why do I feel like I have to earn my right to exist?”
I've always loved work. Or at least enjoyed it (maybe save the last couple of years of being an entrepreneur).
So I'm unwinding a lot ... like my core operating system of "DO" .... feeling like I need to act, to do to be "worth it." And this one is really big for me.
I think astrology is like an emotional MRI. A telescope into the soul.
BEING / BE / EXIST / PRESENCE
Feeling like I need DO. I'm so wired to just wake up and go and DO DO DO.
So this one has been challenging to just to BE ... and BE OK with that.
I started some thoughtful meditation on being the mountain before traveling to Switzerland. And when I got there .... I got a real good lesson on being with every mountain I saw being the biggest I've ever seen .... next to 10 more beside it --- it was 360 degrees mountains.
Then in our hotel overlooking Lake Geneva, I saw Dent Du Miti.
Really made an impression. And going every day to the top of some incredible mountain peak via cable cars and gondolas.
What does the mountain do?
Mountains don't really do anything. They just exist. Presence.
And I'd been wrestling with what is presence ... and got it in Switzerland.
So that's my work ... BEING. Like the mountain.
The beautiful thing along with my Crater Lake story was also the lake below.
There was one night when you couldn't see the mountain, but just the lake. It was omnious. Broody overhead. And that's the Deep to me. My emotions. I'm both.
Chiron Square Natal Saturn
Ah, just remembered ...... if Chiron is at 26 degrees Aries in 6th now ... it's in direct square (lots of friction) with my natal Saturn in Cancer in 9th.
I honestly felt relieved that it's past my Moon-Venus ... but I'm not out of the woods yet.
A couple months ago, I had an ephipany about Saturn .... I thought it was the mother archetype because it was in Cancer ... it's not for me. It's the father archetype. So I've been going back and doing some journaling on how I experienced the father archetype and rewriting some "contracts" and "beliefs" I may have embedded deeply inside of me.
It's been a huge light of reevaluation, especially in midlife for me. And freeing.
As a leader, father, husband, I've always been drawn to the role of the Shepherd, which feels natural to me. I want to tend to my people, protect my people. And this has been challenged in some monumental ways.
How I overextend, take on too much, try to hold everything including my own emotions in. And just broke me.
That part of the mountain leads back to Crater Lake and Mount Mazama in my mythic story. And it all collapsed. The Mountain of Doing, Holding.
It's vastly different from Mont De Miti and Presence and just BEING, instead of heaping doing on top of me. Trying to hold it all together and in.
Whew. Just realized that even if I felt somewhat out of the woods with Moon (Emotions) and Venus (Relating) but now it's Saturn.
So much of this work is building the Inner Temple and home inside of me. My own, not one inherited. It's really frustrating but gratifying work as I see glimmers of what could be. The potential, the progress.